Tom Paine, the antimonarchist's antimonarchist
Hey, why did no-one tell me how much fun Thomas Paine's anti-monarchist rants were? Or what an elegant prose stylist he was? Found a copy of his THE RIGHTS OF MAN & COMMON SENSE second-hand, and I must say that COMMON SENSE is the most appealing attack on the whole notion of monarchy ever:

... This is supposing the present race of kings in the world to have had an honorable origin; whereas it is more than probable, that could we take off the dark covering of antiquity, and trace them to their first rise, that we should find the first of them nothing better than the principal ruffian of some restless gang, whose savage manners or pre-eminence in subtility obtained him the title of chief among plunderers; and who by increasing in power, and extending his depredations, over-awed the quiet and defenceless to purchase their safety by frequent contributions. Yet his electors could have no idea of giving hereditary right to his descendants, because such a perpetual exclusion of themselves was incompatible with the free and unrestrained principles they professed to live by. Wherefore, hereditary succession in the early ages of monarchy could not take place as a matter of claim, but as something casual or complimental; but as few or no records were extant in those days, and traditionary history stuffed with fables, it was very easy, after the lapse of a few generations, to trump up some superstitious tale, conveniently timed, Mahomet like, to cram hereditary right down the throats of the vulgar. Perhaps the disorders which threatened, or seemed to threaten, on the decease of a leader and the choice of a new one (for elections among ruffians could not be very orderly) induced many at first to favor hereditary pretensions; by which means it happened, as it hath happened since, that what at first was submitted to as a convenience, was afterwards claimed as a right.

England, since the conquest, hath known some few good monarchs, but groaned beneath a much larger number of bad ones; yet no man in his senses can say that their claim under William the Conqueror is a very honorable one. A French bastard landing with an armed banditti, and establishing himself king of England against the consent of the natives, is in plain terms a very paltry rascally original.—It certainly hath no divinity in it. However, it is needless to spend much time in exposing the folly of hereditary right, if there are any so weak as to believe it, let them promiscuously worship the ass and lion, and welcome. I shall neither copy their humility, nor disturb their devotion.

The first king as "the chief among plunderers" and William the Conqueror as "a French bastard landing with an armed banditti"? How I love you, Thomas Paine!! If you have time, I urge you to read the whole thing at bartleby.com: it's only a short rant, and the above extract should give you a taste of its incisive wit.

What really amazes me is that, despite his defection from his native-born Britain and allegiance to the American rebels, there's a statue of him in his hometown of Thetford, Norfolk. I'd like to think this says something about the British character - that any nation that can raise a statue to someone who contributed to the betterment of mankind, even when that person launched stinging attacks on their own system at the time, can't be all bad.

Also, how ironic is this?

In September 1819, William Cobbett went to Thomas Paine's grave in New Rochelle, New York, dug up Paine's body, and raced the authorities to the docks where he sailed back to England with the corpse. Upon revealing the body to Customs agents in Liverpool, Cobbett announced "There, gentlemen, are the mortal remains of the immortal Thomas Paine." Cobbett's intention was to build a memorial to Paine in England since his memory (and his grave) was being disrespected in the United States. There was just one problem - Paine had been strongly against the monarchy and was still considered something of an outlaw in England. Cobbett's plans were refused. And so, what was left of Thomas Paine was stored in William Cobbett's attic and remained there until his death.

After William Cobbett died in 1835, it is believed his son sold the remains of Thomas Paine in pieces. At one time, a Bishop in England was said to have Paine's right hand and skull adorning his mantlepiece. An English woman claimed to have his jawbone. A man in France claimed to own one of his ribs. Buttons are also said to have been made from his bones. How ironic that this first "citizen of the world" would end up scattered around it. Efforts are underway to have Paine's remains returned to New Rochelle for re-burial. (http://driventotears.com/HTML/ThomasPaine.html)

How the HECK did it happen that the world's foremost atheist got rendered into RELIGIOUS RELICS after his death? Man, that must sting!!